I was at the shopping centre (shopping mall for american readers!!!) with my eldest (he turned 14 last week) for more school clothes. I didnt have lunch before we went so i was desperate for a coffee (Gloria Jeans capaccino, skim soy extra hot). Did all the shops for school clothes (in all 4 corners of the centre - we walked for miles) and came up with nothing! Anyway, we stopped for something to eat. Kurt chose McDonalds (doesnt have it often) and after much mental torment going on in my brain i chose a rice paper roll with salmon and salad in it. We sat in the food court to eat it (gosh you see some sights in those places!) and i really thought i was going to buckle and get something else. Then, I spotted a couple who sat down near us. I was trying so hard not to stare. The woman was probably early to mid 50's, average looking. Why was I staring????? She had an amazing figure and was wearing trendy, fashionable clothes without looking like "mutton dressed up as lamb". She looked awesome - nothing expensive - black tights, knee high black boots, white top and a black aviator style leather jacket (just like I have). Wow she looked fantastic. It stopped me from crumbling and buying something bad to eat. I just wanted to look like her now and she would have been 5 years older than me. I have her image burned into my brain - everytime I start to weaken I will think of this unknown lady in the shopping centre. I would have liked to tell her she was an inspiration but I thought that would have been a bit creepy!!!!! It makes me realise I just have to keep on plodding on with clean eating and the gym and one day I might be that lady in the shopping centre that someone looks at and gets inspiration from.
What was she eating? sushi and a gloria jeans coffee (skim milk I bet !!)

The Dreaded Kids Leftovers

Day 17 sunday - i thought i survived the weekend but alas, i was watching biggest loser on sunday night and felt a bit restless. the kids were mucking up a bit and generally being annoying. then i heard this noise - it was my name being called out. "Amanda - come get me." So i tracked it down and it was coming from the fridge. "You know you want me, you don't need me but you WANT me!!!!!"
And then *poof* - i was sitting on the lounge eating a jam donut watching biggest loser - *STUUUUUUUUUUUPID, STUUUUUUUUUUUUPID ME*
It was the leftovers from the afternoon tea I had with my girlfriend on Saturday. The donuts were for the kids and stupid me did not throw out the leftovers. So now my challenge points are 26 - NOT HAPPY JAN (Aussie joke).
aarrgghh - i'm soooo disappointed in myself. Why cant i eat to live, not live to eat?? I think this will be a life long struggle for me :(.
Back to the gym tonight......

Bugger .....Day 10

Bugger, bugger, bugger and bugger!!!!! I cooked not stop for the kids and their mates all day - all they do is eat and i never weakened. Did groceries with my elder 2 (12 and 13) and told them i was on kitchen strike and they had to organise dinner (dear hubby was busy on the lounge *roll eyes* ). So they chose supermarket pizza - it was fresh not frozen - 3 pizzas for $10 - bargain. So we bring it home, they put it in the oven and when they cut it up it looked really good. so i had a piece - surprisingly nice - not oily or heavy.
And then i had another and another (they were only small pieces prob 2" at the wide end. it wasnt a gorge - it was just really nice. So i'm down to 29 points ... bugger!!!!!
I saw a gorgeous girl with a fantastic figure and her boyfriend shopping when i was in the supermarket and she was putting healthy things into their trolley and i thought to myself "i bet you dont have kids at home and have to deal with kids junk and not so healthy food. i bet you dont have to cook for them and try and resist their leftovers and have crap in the pantry". It would be much easier if my kitchen was a 100% clean for when i get the munchies.
Anyway, lets turn this number to the right direction.
Have a good Monday.

How this on-line trainer thing is going .....

Well its been ages since i've blogged so bear with me while I recap. After FINALLY getting my programme I started with new enthusiasm and hope to lose this weight (with the extra Christmas and summer holiday fat that has decided to live with me). Seem to have enough food but holy hell - i'm missing my little something with a cup of tea or the humble piece of toast with vegemite or jam (even diet jam would be nice!). Its basically lean protein, green only veg and brown rice OR sweet potato once a day oh, and a bit of porridge thrown in as well and a few almonds and vitamin supplements. No milk *ugh* 5 meals of this !!!!!!! Everything is weighed to the EXACT gram (had to buy digital scales - oh my lord - didnt realise how heavy food is !) Exercise is 4 days a week, moderate weights only at this stage - no cardio yet (yay - I HATE cardio).
Submitted before photos, measurements etc. (yuk) I have to submit on line meal tracker and redo stats every 2 weeks and submit those as well.
Well, its been 3 weeks now. Progress you ask? Not as much as i'd hoped :( 2kgs, a cm or 2 here and there - all upper - nothing off my big fat arse or huge gut. NOT HAPPY JAN !! (I guess only Aussies will get this saying - it was from a tv add years ago and people still quote that saying!) I'm supposing ths is a long term thing but this is one impatient gal! Eating that kind of food has to get there quicker right?????? I befriended a woman on facebook that i read about on this on line trainer's website testimonials and she thoroughly recommended him. Her after photo is exactly how I want to look and she said it took her nearly 6 months (oh good grief) but i'm prepared to do that so at this stage i'll have to be patient (hahahaha).
I'm worried because i have to fit into my little black coctail dress next Saturday night for an engagement party (fingers crossed). Let alone being able to eat anything whilst I'm there !!! And have a champers or 2 and relax and have fun (HA! like that's going to happen).
Anyway, i'm paying for this programme so I will do it. I just have to remember - FOOD IS NOT FOR TASTE OR PLEASURE - I have to think of something else as a treat (whats that noise you ask? oh thats just me sniffing and wiping the tears away pretending it doesnt matter !)
No pain - no gain ! yeah, yeah, yeah - heard it all before !!!!!
Anyway, i'm going to start taking piccies of meals and bits and pieces to make it a bit more motivating and meanwhile scour the blogs I follow for inspiration.
Check in later, have a good weekend !!!

Sick

I've been sick for the past 5 days - lethargy, nauseus, aching joints. I can feel my slow growing muscles that i've worked so hard to get wither away daily. My bum has suddenly got free reign and is getting bigger and saggier.
The kids have had lunch orders at the canteen everyday now. Dinners are scrappy and i'm barely getting the washing done.
Mentally - i couldnt care less. I'm thinking about buying the next size up in jeans. *groan*
How do you get momentum again when you start feeling better? How do you get in the zone again?

Willpower

Why is it that dieting or even clean eating lifestyle is like a house of cards? You get tempted by one thing, give in and eat it and the whole house comes tumbling down.

Yesterday - halloween ! Here in Australia we dont celebrate as seriously as America but our kids still went trick or treating and I also had to have a bowl of stash ready for our doorbell to go off.

So I'm emptying the packets of crap (I mean treats!) into the bowl and how can I resist the choccies????? I only let my kids eat the lollies or choccies that come pre-packed individually so I provide the same. I'm talking Time Outs, mini dairy milk bars, mini mars bars and when I got started I started scoffing the boiled lollies and redskins - I dont even like them *aaarrrggghhh*.

So the cards kept tumbling, and tumbling, and tumbling down.

I said to hubby that he can organise dinner (I rarely do this) and of course - he ordered pizza - the lazy sod. And I ate and ate and ate. My 12 yo daughter Brooke came home from a trick or treat birhday party later on and guess what????? - I started scoffing the ones she didnt like.

I went to bed feeling sick and my heart racing with all the chemicals running through my veins.

How do you resist the temptation? How do you stop at just one? Its going to take me all week at the gym just to catch up - and thats just for last weekend. I'm still catching up from the weekend before and the one before that !!!!!